Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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