dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
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