I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
