i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
