I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
