This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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