Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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