lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
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I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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