every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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