Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
