i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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