I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Do vagina's smell?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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