Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
