my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
