I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
