just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
