I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
50% drunk capacity currently
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
