I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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