yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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