insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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