Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
