At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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