therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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