Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
