He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
