I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
