I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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