O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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