Whod you bang
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We got so high we made milksteak
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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