Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
