I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
