I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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