Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
