Jerry, you need to find god
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
