dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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