i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
