I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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