he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
