I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
