my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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