Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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