What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
