I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
