she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's shark week go big or go home
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
