So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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