she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
