Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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