We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
