I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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