He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
