either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
