try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
