This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
