My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
