The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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