forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
