she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
