Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
