i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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