So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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