i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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