I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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