I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?