how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
